How I Decided I Will Not Let Them Define The Way I Feel About Myself

How I Decided I Will Not Let Them Define The Way I Feel About Myself
How I Decided That I Will Not Let Them Define The Way I Feel About Myself

Okay, I am about to get real here. I am not as confident as I should be. Looking back at this past year, a lot of BS went down and as a result, my self-confidence kind of went away. I used to not care what people would think about me, the only opinion that matter was my own. I had short hair, love handles and I was as pale as Snow White. And guess what? I was extremely happy!

Then, some boy drama went down and I felt horrible after that. It was the typical “I like you but you don’t like me back” kind of thing, but that left me with self-esteem issues. I went from being the confident girl that loved everything about her, to start hating the way I looked, talked or felt. Part of me felt hopeless, and part of me felt that I needed to change in order to be accepted.

I started to think on what I could do to lose some weight. Would people like me better if my love handles are gone? Would boys like me better? If boys and people liked me better I would be happier. My mind was rushing with thoughts about it, and nothing would shut it down. I started to run and lift weights every single day, and watch what I was ingesting so I wouldn’t overeat. I had that covered, but then I went to the pool and saw these girls with beautiful tans being happy and joking around. I thought that if I were tanner, people would like me better, and that would make me happier. I started to spend time outside and get tanner. And a tan, skinny girl has to have long hair, so I started watching the weirdest YouTube videos to find the best ways to grow my hair.

And then one day I saw myself in the mirror and I hated what I saw. I had tan lines, and my skin was radiant and smooth. My stomach was flatter and my legs were leaner. My hair was finally longer, it grew a lot since the last time I cut it, and the color was beautiful. Dominique did a great job doing a natural yet noticeable balayage a couple of months ago!

But I was not happy. I let the opinion of people, especially boys, decide how I felt about myself.  I felt that I needed to look a certain way  to be accepted. I let the opinion of one boy to make me feel so small and worthless, that I needed to change who I was. I felt I had to look a certain way for this kid to even consider looking my way. I felt I had to look a certain way for a boy to approach me at a party. I felt that, if I looked beautiful people would like me more, and that would bring me happiness.

I am not happy with who I became after one boy rejected me, and I am especially not happy that even if I tried, I let people defined the way I looked or felt. I achieved my goal of losing weight and being tanner and having long hair, but I didn’t achieve happiness.

A few months went by and I kept my running and weight lifting routine. I kept spending time outside in the sun, and my hair is growing enormously lately.  But I decided that I will not let anyone affect the way I feel about myself, no matter what I look like. I decided to be the person that used to care more about her own opinion than what others believed.  And most importantly, I decided I will not let a boy define my self-worth. I am beautiful, I am smart, and I am worth it. No boy is be “too attractive” , “too cute” or “too smart” for me. I am to be too good for them.

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6 Things You Should Never Change To Please People

6 Things You Should Not Change To Please People

Every single magazine I read has articles that will teach you how to change the way you are, in order to achieve what society defines as “beauty”. I have read articles that told me how to get leaner legs, how to dress myself for a guy to like me, and how to get shinier, longer hair. After reading and reading these magazines, I realized that most of them were damaging my self-esteem. I was more into the articles on how to change my appearance than the ones that were more real and genuine. I start feeling that no matter what, these magazines were going to tell me what was wrong with me, and that they will give me a solution to fix these “problems”. And after a while, I realized that I do not have to change who I am or how I look like at all.

I realized that, reading these articles were damaging the way I felt about myself, and I didn’t want that to happen. Why do I need to change my hair, my body, or my clothes in order to fit into society’s definition of beauty.

My hair is mine. My crazy, messy wavy hair is mine. My dark, dull brown hair is mine, and my short, even hair is mine. Why do I need to read articles on how massaging my hair with castor oil will help my hair grow faster? The answer  is that I don’t need to. I do not need to change my hair’s color, texture or length in order to please people.

My body is also mine, and I do not owe anyone any type of explanations on why I decided to eat an entire pizza by myself or why I spent three hours in the gym. People’s opinion on my body is none of my business, same as how what I do with my body is none of theirs. What I do with my body is my decision, and I will not change it in order to please people.

This has to do with what I eat and what I don’t. I always read about how certain guys do not like a girl that can eat more than them, or how guys don’t like a girl that can’t eat a hamburger with fries.  What I eat is no one’s business, unless you want a bite of my pizza. Then maybe it is your business.

Same goes with the clothes you wear. Crop tops, over-sized sweaters, stilletos or big booties, whatever you wear is the way you express yourself, and no matter what, you should not change your style.  goes with the clothes you wear. Crop tops, over-sized sweaters, stilletos or big booties, whatever you wear is the way you express yourself, and no matter what, you should not change your style. If you, like many others, express yourself through makeup, then enjoy it. How you wear your makeup, or lack of it, is part of who you are, and you should not change the way you paint your face to please people.

And lastly, I believe you do not need to change your hobbies to please people. If reading a book, hiking mountains, or Netflix and Chill makes you happy, go for it. As long as you do not harm anyone, do what you please.

Whatever you do with your body and mind, do it for yourself.  Remember that at the end of the day you have yourself, so be happy with what you have, and change it only if YOU want to.

 

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I’m Not A Damsel In Distress

I'm Not A Damsel In DistressRapunzel needed the help of prince charming to be freed from the tower and from her mom. Even if a couple of centuries had pass,  girls nowadays believe that we need a prince to save us,  but instead of a tower we are trapped in our bodies and instead of an evil witch, we want to be freed from our emotions

When I was younger, I believed that society was really screwed. I always hated how society defined beauty. I hated  how having the latest phone defines your status. I hated it when a girl wanted a boy to feel completed, to feel stronger.   I’ve always believed in girl power, in feminism (even if I didn’t know that word yet).

I’ve watched so many romantic movies, and I’ve read so many YA books that I wanted romance in my life. I liked a boy, and I fantasized about him; how we are going to live in a beautiful house and he will come back from work with his suit on, and I will be an amazing well-known writer.  In my fantasies, I was a writer, a hard-worker, and not just someone’s perfect wife.I wanted to find someone who will support me no matter what, but that will see me succeed.

There was a moment in my life that I went through some bad experiences. Really bad ones. I had support of friends and family, but I found out that being my own support is the key to happiness. I was trying to be strong.

.And then, I was strong for so long that I gave up. I stopped thinking  about what can I do to feel better, and instead I seek the help of a boy. I became what I feared the most: a damsel in distress.

If I had a bad day, and instead of eating some chocolate and watching FRIENDS, I would call my boyfriend and cry on the phone about whatever had happened that day. I stopped taking care of myself, and I let someone else do that for me. There was a moment that he was not longer a support system, but he was the only person that would save me.

I got used to that, to always need a prince charming to rescue my sorrows. When we ended things, I realized that being in distress was not going to do anything to my situation, and it was time for me to become my own prince charming.

I tried to get up from my bed and take a shower. I tried to eat healthier and go to the gym. I went to parties and to my friends’ apartments. I tried to move on from the bad moments I was going through.  I realized that I wanted someone to make me stronger, not to make me someone strong.  I was the only one who was capable of making myself smile again, and the only one who could control my emotions.

Having someone supporting me was great, but I never thought of all the people who were there for me, and that’s what made me stronger. Knowing that I can and pushing myself was made me a stronger person.

I realized that I am not a damsel in distress, but my own prince charming.

 

 

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On Confidence

On ConfidenceThere are so many articles about confidence. Everywhere I go to I see an opinion about how great certain campaigns (like h&m’s) are great for girls self esteem, and how amazing it is that society is finally accepting every body type.

Every time I read something like this I get extremely happy.  As many other people, I struggled with self esteem issues, and often found myself comparing my looks to the ones of girls in the magazines. It was awful feeling not worthless, but that there was always someone prettier out there. And even if i knew there is people that are better at certain things and people that were blesses with better genes,  it made me feel awful that someone looked that good in a magazine.

Not only the looks of the models, but the articles that insisted that we have to lose weight, the ones that would tell you how to do your makeup to land the cutie in your chem class. I hated all of that.

I will look at myself in the mirror and see big thighs and extremely messy hair. I will see my big nose and even bigger eyebrows and feel like i needed to change. Magazines  and society were telling me that anyways, so why not?

Then, one day I realized I didn’t want to change, just accept who I was. I start looking at the mirror and instead of picking on my insecurities, I will see the good things on my body, and write down the good things in my life.

Soon, I started exercising because that gave me energy and made me feel good. I start loving myself, and people will notice it. They will tell me how happy i looked, and how, for some reason, i got prettier.

I realized that confidence was the difference between me and that girl in the magazine (and well, a few hours of Photoshop work). Accepting who we are, and loving every part of it is one of the best things we can do for ourselves.

The best thing you can wear is your confidence!

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20 Things By 20

20 Things By 20My birthday was May 2nd and I wanted to share with you things I’ve learned by then. Yes, my birthday was two months ago (happy belated birthday to me!) but it is still accurate. I’ve learned many things throughout my life, and sharing them with people is important to me. These are lessons that are the results of breakups, long nights and moving to a new country, but all of them learned the hard way.  20 things I’ve learned by 20.

  1. People will come and go: and it has nothing to do with you.
  2. Love your body and your hair: nobody is perfect, and most of the people you look up to in a magazine are photoshoped.
  3. Saying no wont make you a b**ch: say no as much as you want.
  4. But saying yes will bring you new opportunities.
  5. It’s okay if you havent been kissed yet: that doesnt define anything
  6. There are good people out there: like the angel of Victoria Secret who gave me a huge discount on underwear.
  7. But really bad people too: like the douche who cut me on the Starbucks line and got the last cake pop.
  8. Read a lot: like a lot! books, magazines, blogs (wink wink). Just read as much as you can.
  9. Be a good friend, always support the ones you love.
  10. People will talk, and judge: so do it anyway. Don’t let people’s opinion define who you are or what you are doing.
  11. Forgive, don’t forget. always remember who hurt you, but don’t hold a grudge. Learn from those experiences.
  12. Your body is yours, your mind is yours, you are yours, so don’t compare yourself to anyone.
  13. Be nice to people: you never know their story.
  14. Go through phases in life, change your routine, and do crazy stuff. unless it is something dangerous or that will hurt you at the end, then just stick to eating pop corn in bed with a huge blanket.
  15. Wear whatever you want: crop tops, short shorts, super long skirts and baggy t-shirts. Express yourself.
  16. If you dress to impress, do it to impress yourself.
  17. Don’t rush into anything: que sera, sera.
  18. Never be someone’s second choice.
  19. A bad day doesn’t mean a bad life. You will have Lindsey Lohan/ Amanda Bynes moments and you will have Taylor Swifts moments too.
  20. Always smile, no matter what.

And know that life is a long-a** learning experience. Don’t ever stop trying new things and learning from your past.

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A Love Letter To My Body

Dear Body:

You have been through so much change. You used to be so thin, that when puberty hit I got scared. You started changing so much. Bigger hips and thighs, bigger boobs. Everything felt different. I wanted to go back and be thin, but no matter what you kept being the same bigger body.

Then, somehow, you got thinner. Amazing, I know. But I still complained about it. I complained about the size of my thighs and the curliness of my hair. I kept complaining about how big my nose was.

I started exercising, and eating healthier, and you started toning up. I could see the results and it was great. Still, I complained.I have complained a lot. I have called you ugly, fat, not slim enough. I have compared you to other bodies. I have treated you the way you don’t deserve. I fed you bad food, I let you down, and I wanted to change you no matter what.

Body, I am sorry for not loving you when you are truly beautiful. I am sorry for always wanting to change you, and never accepting who you are. I am sorry for not feeding you with good food, and not giving you the care you truly need. For not listening to you when I exercised enough or when you needed to sleep. Sorry for putting a lot of makeup and tanning lotion to cover yourself up,

Body, you are beautiful, not matter the size, color or shape.  I love you body, no matter what.

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8 Ways to Cope 

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    Have you ever had a moment where you feel like the world is going to end? Like what are you going through right now is so terrible that tomorrow seems so far away? A moment where you are so miserable that the only thing you want to do is curl up in bed and put a la Elle Woods crying-and-sobbing-while-watching-soap-operas coping mechanism?

Well, I’m here to tell you that it is not the end of the world, and that you will be fine.My freshman year consisted of moving to a new country, being kicked out of my first dorm (roommate drama), breaking up with my boyfriend of a year, and breaking up with a boy who was not my boyfriend but was definitely more that a friend and losing some friends in the process.  All of this in a 10 week quarter system.Why I’m telling you all the s**t I’ve been through this past year?     Not for pity, but to prove that we can overcome anything. But the big question is how to do it?

Grief. Let yourself be sad. Understand that what you are feeling is normal, and it is okay to be sad. Let yourself cry, watch an insane amount of Sex and the City episodes. Give yourself an amount of time to process the sadness.  If you feel that it has been a long time since you were happy, seek for help.
Don’t skip anything. You might feel like skipping a gym session, a dinner with a former classmate or classes so you can cry in bed. Don’t do it. Don’t let whatever is hurting you prevent you from living your life in its fullest
On that note, keep yourself busy. I’m naturally an over-achiever. I’m taking 19 credits plus tons of organizations, social events and my own blog. But I always manage to have free time and that’s when I start feeling blue. Go for a walk, eat lunch outside, learn how to knit, but keep yourself busy.
Exercise. I have said this many times through different posts. Exercise gives you endorphins that will make you feel better than our favorite guys in the world: ben and jerrys.
Write it down: it doesn’t matter why you are sad, write everything down. It will help you rant and let it out. I learned that if you got a bad grade, you are going through a bad breakup or just feeling down, writing things on a piece of paper will make you relief stress.
three things: write down three positive things that are going on in your life. It can go from “i wore a pretty dress today” to “i have an amazing smile.” Write three things every night before sleeping to remind you how amazing you really are.
Surround yourself with positive stuff. Be around people that love you, be around happy people, be outside. Don’t let yourself be around people that will drag you down
Post its, post cards and more. Put encouragement notes all over your place, so you can always have a little inspiration wherever you go. I personally have some post its on my mirror and inspirational post cards in my wall.  Being reminded of good things will always help

finally, know that time does heal everything, and that no matter what you will be fine.  Britney Spears survived 2007, you can survive your bad path too.


*Contact me if you need advice or someone to rant to*


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On Loving Yourself

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     I was little, and I was already in love with magazines. It was a fascinating world for me.I used to buy magazines that had words that I didnt understand, but I played along. I learned what oral sex meant when I was in 5th grade, and I proudly told my teacher about that. My mom flipped out, obviously, and hesitated if she should buy magazines.

Then again I  read about sex in the magazines I was reading. One of the articles was SexEd, and it said in big letters. “I learned to touch myself.  If i am not comfortable doing it myself, how can I accept someone else touching me?”. Even if this post is not about masturbation, that article had a point.

We all want passionate love, the kind of love we see in a Nicholas Spark movie. We all have questioned our lives and the why there is not a Noah in our lives that would write 365 letters even if we haven’t respond to them. You might not love the answer, but it is an easy one: you have to learn how to love yourself in order to be loved that way. You want crazy, passionate love? Start loving yourself in that crazy, passionate way.

Wake up everyday happy that you are alive.  Go to the gym, run and exercise because you want to take care of your body. Look at the mirror and see how beautiful you actually are. Know that you are beautiful inside, that your body and mind is as important as anything else in your life. Accept compliments, embrace your weirdness, know that your stretch marks and scars are not a bad thing, but a sign of straight, You are the owner of your body and your mind, and you have to love both. Be comfortable with your love handles or those abs. Learn to love your extremely curly hair or your straight hair. Love yourself no matter what, even when you are at your worst and you will be able to find someone who will love you in your Amanda Bynes moments. Take care of yourself  and out and no matter what you come first.

You dont have to be selfish in order to love  yourself. You have to understand that saying no or yes is okay when it is for your best interest.  You have to be able to stand up for yourself and be able to believe that you are worth gold. Any other metal is out of the picture. You are worth those 365 letters. You are worth

You, beautiful reader, are a great person who deserve the most magnificent love ever. And that love is self-love.


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Lorelai Gilmore

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This woman became my spirit animal.

We all adore Gilmore Girls, and if you don’t, please leave now. Actually stay, I want you to read my posts. Anyways, I used to watch this show on and off when it was on T.V. For some reason I never had the chance to actually follow what happens in Stars Hollow (and later on in Yale), and that reason is school. I ended up leaving that prison that teaches us how to divide X by Y and how to appreciate Sheakspears’ books around 3 o’clock each day, and by 4:00pm I was safe and sound in my house. That if i didn’t have any Israeli Dancing class, or gym with friends, MUN classes or any other extracurricular activity.

Rori and Lorelai where on at 4:00 sharp, and when I caught it on screen I would watched it. I did know that Emily was a *insert a word that should not be written here* and that Jesse was the bad boy every one of my friends, including me, wanted as a boyfriend. I knew that Rori was at Yale, and who Luke was. (Can I just rant excessively about how, even if I love Luke, I don’t like Lorelai and his relationship?)

I knew what was going on, but I wanted more. I wanted to watch the whole series and enjoy it and just have fun while watching it. I didn’t want to buy the DVDs though, and there was no other way to watch it. I tried You Tube, and after a couple of tries I gave up. Orly gave up.

When Gilmore Girls was on Netflix, I was extremely excited, now I can truly ignore my school obligations and just binge-watch this show with a bag of Tostitos and chocolate. It’s my guilty pleasure and I don’t even feel guilty.

Last year I went through several situations that changed who I was before. I used to be a girl who didn’t care much about people’s opinion, and an extremely sarcastic girl. I used to be strong, straight forward girl, the one who fought for her dreams and try her best without carrying that much if i failed. I used to think “at least I tried.” I was a good girl though, but still  a cynic. I did cry, I did have feelings, but it was easier to control what I felt.

That changed for a while. I was in a situation were being me was not good, and then I had to hide my true colors to be part of something. I changed to this girl that I would not have recognized in the mirror a year ago.
When I started watching Gilmore Girls I realized that even if I changed, that  girl is still in my. I just have to free her.

Lorelai comes from a really wealthy family where your future is pretty much secure. But she was a rebel, someone who stayed true to herself even if Emily is a *insert again that word that I shouldn’t write here*. Lore got pregnant at 16, and escape her house in order to raise her daughter the way she wanted. That takes balls. She went to a completely new town, one that the members are so close to each other that having a new family in town is not common. She, a girl that had a meal on her table every day and a bed to sleep every night work as a maid to be able to get money for her and Rori. And the fact that she did all of that alone? Yes, Chris is part of the picture and they have a good relationship, but Lorelai did everything.

She is also really sarcastic and has an amazing sense of humor, something I’ve been lacking lately. My sarcasm has often been frowned upon, especially by those in my life that don’t get sarcasm. I had to stop being cynic and sarcastic to “respect” my relationship with certain people. Watching GG again made realize that my sarcasm is part of me and it is completely ok to do it and express it. It is okay to laugh at myself.

I learned that it is perfectly fine to eat an entire pizza by myself, and I should never feel ashamed of eating. Never. Yes, that two girls eat an outrageous amount of food, but that taught me tone okay with eating. It also taught me that eating like that is not healthy, if you were wondering.

Lore also showed me to work hard for what I want, instead of just waiting for something to occur. My dream is to be an Editor-In-Chief, and I’ll work towards that. I will encounter failure and bumps in the road, but as someone once told me “life is a bumpy rad.” Each bump will bring you something better at the end, and it will make you a stronger person.

I am glad that I been watching this show instead of doing my school work, because I am re-discovering the girl I used to be, the girl I used to be proud of being.

*mom the last thing is a lie, I am proud of myself but I have not stopped doing my school work I promise*


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On Feminism

Pictureon feminism

I know, these videos are a few months old. But i cant help to love them!

I consider myself a feminist. No, I don’t hate men,in fact I adore them.  I just believe in gender equality.  I believe that we have the right to be treated the same way. Normally when someone hears I am a hardcore feminist, that person believes that I am bashing the male gender and that I believe us women are better.  Feminism is actually defined as gender equality, as I said before.

A couple of months ago I listen to Emma Watson’s speech on the UN. I was impressed when I listened to her speaking. The Harry Potter star is known as a down-to-earth-fight-for-rights girl, but it still shocked me. She talked about how girls stop doing the things they love because they will get muscly, or it is not appropriate for a girl. And i wonder, why it is a problem? Why breaking the “pattern” is so bad? Why trying to be successful in the business world, or being a soccer player, or even being an engineering is frown upon or not common for a woman?

We are seen as the weak gender, when we are actually capable of doing everything a man can, and in high heels! Yesterday I was watching Gilmore Girls, and a little girl went to Lorellai crying because no Hobbit girl went to the trip. Lorellai told her that the girls went to other dangerous adventures, all wearing high heels. A little girl was shown that she has the power in her, even if mass media just show men being capable of power.

Feminism is the fight women -and brave men- do against stereotypes. A girl with a pretty face isn’t considered smart, and having a nice butt and breasts define us.  We are also payed less for a job than men, even if our position is higher. Women can be leaders, we can be really amazing at that.

We are powerful girls, we really are.


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