How I Decided I Will Not Let Them Define The Way I Feel About Myself

How I Decided I Will Not Let Them Define The Way I Feel About Myself
How I Decided That I Will Not Let Them Define The Way I Feel About Myself

Okay, I am about to get real here. I am not as confident as I should be. Looking back at this past year, a lot of BS went down and as a result, my self-confidence kind of went away. I used to not care what people would think about me, the only opinion that matter was my own. I had short hair, love handles and I was as pale as Snow White. And guess what? I was extremely happy!

Then, some boy drama went down and I felt horrible after that. It was the typical “I like you but you don’t like me back” kind of thing, but that left me with self-esteem issues. I went from being the confident girl that loved everything about her, to start hating the way I looked, talked or felt. Part of me felt hopeless, and part of me felt that I needed to change in order to be accepted.

I started to think on what I could do to lose some weight. Would people like me better if my love handles are gone? Would boys like me better? If boys and people liked me better I would be happier. My mind was rushing with thoughts about it, and nothing would shut it down. I started to run and lift weights every single day, and watch what I was ingesting so I wouldn’t overeat. I had that covered, but then I went to the pool and saw these girls with beautiful tans being happy and joking around. I thought that if I were tanner, people would like me better, and that would make me happier. I started to spend time outside and get tanner. And a tan, skinny girl has to have long hair, so I started watching the weirdest YouTube videos to find the best ways to grow my hair.

And then one day I saw myself in the mirror and I hated what I saw. I had tan lines, and my skin was radiant and smooth. My stomach was flatter and my legs were leaner. My hair was finally longer, it grew a lot since the last time I cut it, and the color was beautiful. Dominique did a great job doing a natural yet noticeable balayage a couple of months ago!

But I was not happy. I let the opinion of people, especially boys, decide how I felt about myself.  I felt that I needed to look a certain way  to be accepted. I let the opinion of one boy to make me feel so small and worthless, that I needed to change who I was. I felt I had to look a certain way for this kid to even consider looking my way. I felt I had to look a certain way for a boy to approach me at a party. I felt that, if I looked beautiful people would like me more, and that would bring me happiness.

I am not happy with who I became after one boy rejected me, and I am especially not happy that even if I tried, I let people defined the way I looked or felt. I achieved my goal of losing weight and being tanner and having long hair, but I didn’t achieve happiness.

A few months went by and I kept my running and weight lifting routine. I kept spending time outside in the sun, and my hair is growing enormously lately.  But I decided that I will not let anyone affect the way I feel about myself, no matter what I look like. I decided to be the person that used to care more about her own opinion than what others believed.  And most importantly, I decided I will not let a boy define my self-worth. I am beautiful, I am smart, and I am worth it. No boy is be “too attractive” , “too cute” or “too smart” for me. I am to be too good for them.

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6 Things You Should Never Change To Please People

6 Things You Should Not Change To Please People

Every single magazine I read has articles that will teach you how to change the way you are, in order to achieve what society defines as “beauty”. I have read articles that told me how to get leaner legs, how to dress myself for a guy to like me, and how to get shinier, longer hair. After reading and reading these magazines, I realized that most of them were damaging my self-esteem. I was more into the articles on how to change my appearance than the ones that were more real and genuine. I start feeling that no matter what, these magazines were going to tell me what was wrong with me, and that they will give me a solution to fix these “problems”. And after a while, I realized that I do not have to change who I am or how I look like at all.

I realized that, reading these articles were damaging the way I felt about myself, and I didn’t want that to happen. Why do I need to change my hair, my body, or my clothes in order to fit into society’s definition of beauty.

My hair is mine. My crazy, messy wavy hair is mine. My dark, dull brown hair is mine, and my short, even hair is mine. Why do I need to read articles on how massaging my hair with castor oil will help my hair grow faster? The answer  is that I don’t need to. I do not need to change my hair’s color, texture or length in order to please people.

My body is also mine, and I do not owe anyone any type of explanations on why I decided to eat an entire pizza by myself or why I spent three hours in the gym. People’s opinion on my body is none of my business, same as how what I do with my body is none of theirs. What I do with my body is my decision, and I will not change it in order to please people.

This has to do with what I eat and what I don’t. I always read about how certain guys do not like a girl that can eat more than them, or how guys don’t like a girl that can’t eat a hamburger with fries.  What I eat is no one’s business, unless you want a bite of my pizza. Then maybe it is your business.

Same goes with the clothes you wear. Crop tops, over-sized sweaters, stilletos or big booties, whatever you wear is the way you express yourself, and no matter what, you should not change your style.  goes with the clothes you wear. Crop tops, over-sized sweaters, stilletos or big booties, whatever you wear is the way you express yourself, and no matter what, you should not change your style. If you, like many others, express yourself through makeup, then enjoy it. How you wear your makeup, or lack of it, is part of who you are, and you should not change the way you paint your face to please people.

And lastly, I believe you do not need to change your hobbies to please people. If reading a book, hiking mountains, or Netflix and Chill makes you happy, go for it. As long as you do not harm anyone, do what you please.

Whatever you do with your body and mind, do it for yourself.  Remember that at the end of the day you have yourself, so be happy with what you have, and change it only if YOU want to.


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